by julia vickers, almft
Dear Eating Disorder,
I know we’ve thought about having a secret relationship indefinitely, but I’ve learned more about you recently and I know you have tried to protect and care for me, but I am learning new ways to take care of myself and there isn’t a whole lot of space for you anymore.
Breaking the Eating Disorder Cycle:
Healing and Recovery
I remember when it came time to make a New Years resolution, something had to change. There were a two things on my list that year: You must eat normal meals everyday. Share your secret. I knew these two resolutions would help me on a practical level with breaking the restricting cycle.
I had read enough information by this point to recognize that I was destroying my metabolism which would only lead to continual yo-yo weight gain and loss. If I destroyed my metabolism, my whole body and mind would continue to suffer which would allow my disordered eating to take center stage. This would hinder any emotional healing that I badly desired to happen but was horrified to face.
Second, I had to tell someone. My sister had moved home and I told her what was going on. Hearing it aloud was powerful. The allusion of all it falsely offered began to crumble. My ED’s thoughts were still a constant struggle but I had someone to be a listening ear. It was life-changing to not be judged. Feeling someone else not judge me helped me begin practicing what it felt like to accept myself struggles and all. To accept that trying is good enough and that sometimes trying again and again is all you have. I wanted to love myself and I wasn’t going to give up. While some parts of myself were easy to love, others not so much, but I knew I couldn’t be preferential with this love. All of me needed my love. All of me needed to be known and accepted.
Remember how I mentioned that I was learning new ways of taking care of myself? Well, I have made a few changes and they are here to stay.
6 Habits I slowly changed:
1.) I ate meals with people I loved.
2.) I Opened up when I felt insecure and want to binge or restrict. This took the edge off. Transparency was key.
3.) I wrote down what my ED “told” me and made new mantras such as: “Make choices because you love yourself”
4.) I drank more water. Staying hydrated helped me distinguish when I was hungry vs. eating for other reasons.
5.) I educated myself through researching the effects of eating disorders on the mind and body and committed to a “no short-cuts” lifestyle. (Absolutely no restricting)
6.) I rest more. I let go of feeling guilty about napping instead of exercising and decided to trust the signals my body was giving me.
If you need the support of a licensed therapist for disordered eating, or a difficult relationship with food - call julia today at 630-480-0060 x 704 or fill out the “Get In Touch” form on our contact page.
Help is only one step away!