Neurodiversity and The Shadow Side of Self-Diagnosis

by Priscilla Dean, LCPC, Owner of Evergreen Counseling

I’ve been a therapist for 13 years. Along with so many other people, I made a self-diagnosis of ADHD in 2021 during the pandemic.

So many of us finally slowed down our busy lives enough to take a hard look at ourselves. Perhaps for the first time since childhood, the outside noise quieted down just enough so we could really look in the mirror at ourselves. We were alone with only our thoughts. And for some of us, those thought patterns, processing speeds, and brand of social and sensory anxieties invited us into a cool trendy new club, with an exciting, new inclusive concept. 

“Hi, I’m Priscilla, and I’m “neuro-diverse”. Initially, I got pretty excited. What doors would open for me with this label? 

At the age of 34, I diagnosed myself with ADHD, predominantly inattentive type. I spoke to my therapist, I spoke to my psychiatrist. Yep. It’s real for me. 

Here’s a little background about my previous experience with this disorder:

I’ve diagnosed a good many of my clients with ADHD for most of my career, finding that this attention and chaotic processing disorder is commonly missed in high achieving women (ironically and conveniently neglecting my own mirror in that particular observation). But when I put the pieces of my ND traits together, I was so RELIEVED about finding this out about myself. It explained so much. 

I was so RELIEVED about finding this out about myself. It explained so much. 

I felt validated.

I felt less inclined to hide my mistakes. I felt hopeful for the freedom from shaming myself for my disorganized ways. The idea of not “masking” my ADHD traits is still an exciting idea to help me live more authentically. I got super jazzed that a “neuro-diverse” label would give me a new lease on life, and that there were other people like me, too! If society accepts neuro-diversity, maybe that’s some extra permission I can give myself to be a pretty darn…weird person? 

But this blog isn’t just about my experience of ADHD self-diagnosis. I want to talk about the trend.

I want to talk about the shadow of self-diagnosis (a lot here can be applied to any kind of self diagnosis, but I’m choosing to focus on neurodiversity). 

I do want to start off with a strong clinical opinion here: I absolutely take my clients’ self-diagnosis seriously. There is real credibility to self-diagnosis. Obviously, this is my story, but just because I am a therapist doesn’t mean that I am the only one who can self-diagnose. Self diagnosis is a good thing. But like all good things in this world, there is light and there is shadow to it. Let’s talk about the Shadow of self-diagnosis. 

The shadow of self-diagnosis includes:

Believing that your ADHD or “Audhd” (autism + adhd) traits is your identity, your essence, your personhood.

Listen, my dears. Your whole amazing inner Self is not a set of neurodiverse traits. Neurodiversity is just how your brain works. It’s not your BRAIN ITSELF. Looking to ND traits to tell you who you are is pretty dangerous, actually. It squeezes your amazing unique story, your power, your capacity of what you can and cannot do in your own life–into a tight little box. A box that some mental health influencer’s created to get clicks. Exploring Autism/Adhd is a great thing. But have a healthy respect for yourself, for your story. Understanding your ND won’t heal your trauma. It won’t help you feel belonging. Only you can do that. 

In the self-diagnosis journey, be extremely careful of Stereotypes.

We humans love a good stereotype, it helps our brains work quicker. (We’re actually socially programmed to create stereotypes for survival). But hopefully my readers understand that stereotypes will always be invalidating and utterly incomplete to describe inner human experiences. 

Here is a list of  some ND stereotypes that are NOT evidence of neurodiversity. You’ll see these stereotypes all over TikTok and social media in general. Be smart. These habits I'm listing below are not ND experiences, these are simply common human experiences. 

  1. Having social anxiety/being socially awkward

  2. Sensory seeking habits, or having preferences for certain kinds of lighting or having rituals including other sensory preferences 

  3. Being scattered and disorganized 

  4. Being quirky, expressing yourself in an avant garde, strange way in regards to society’s expectations of you 

  5. Feeling better/more stable in routines

  6. Feeling overstimulated/overwhelmed with kids, tasks, like you can’t catch up on your life or just fill in the blank with what overwhelms you.

  7. Needing “dopamine hits” to get through the boring workday 

  8. Feeling fixated, “deep diving” on an interesting topic to you

  9. Getting excited about a new project or hobby (or relationship, let’s be real here), but quickly losing interest 

You might recognize in yourself a lot of these traits I’ve listed above, but that still doesn’t add up to a certain ND diagnosis. An awareness of some attention difficulties or social struggles certainly can start some inner curiosity about a possible ND experience, but please be smart about stereotypes when you embark on this kind of inner exploration. 

Lastly, the biggest shadow of self-diagnosis is using neuro-diversity to justify your toxic behaviors.

Blaming ND for making poor choices, or hurting yourself or others.

  • “I’m ADHD, sorry I forgot to check in on you when you were going through a lot.”

  • “I’m Autistic, I can’t help it if I hurt you with my tone.”

  • “I’m ND, I can’t be held accountable for my racist jokes, my inconsiderate, selfish habits, or my rigid perspectives on a situation.”

  • *”I’m neurodiverse, I’m just a terrible listener. I’m just bad at life. I’ll never be able to do…xxxxxxxxxx” (insert self-imposed limitation here).

*I do want to make a small disclaimer here. Of course there are real limitations for ND folx. But do not use ND as an excuse for harming yourself or those you love or work with. Instead: learn to “wipe the mirror” as the Buddhists say. Take responsibility. Learn about your “toxic traits”. Don’t blame ND. 

I’m still new to this journey of self exploration, too. Discovering I am neuro-diverse has been an exciting and sobering realization as I put my past identity stories together. It really has helped me compassionately solidify the story of My Self (so far!). 

But if I’m getting to know you as a new friend, you know nothing about me if I name my ND traits out loud to you. Get to know me as me, and if you’re ND too, I need to get to know you for your story, not assume I know you because hey, you’re an “ND person like me”. 

Or maybe you’re still not sure, you’re exploring the possibility of ND for you. That's okay too. Who you are, what you’re learning about yourself, taking responsibility for how we use this information of ND, all of it is needed on this path.

Lastly, and I say this with all gentleness:

FOR THE LOVE, PEOPLE.

Please talk to a mental health professional before you proclaim for all to hear that you’re Neuro-diverse. Self-diagnosis is valid, but it’s a hell of a lot less valid in an echo chamber of your own ego’s needs. ;)

Peace,
Priscilla