by Alison Goshgarian, MA
There is so much happening in our country.
I know I’ve been struggling, as I’m sure many of you have as well. A lot has been sitting on my mind the last 24-48 hours and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on how to move through this dark time we find ourselves in.
As can be seen from Evergreen’s values and from our therapist team here, we believe the therapy session to be a political space. This does not mean that we work to support specific politicians here. We are therapists, we work to support and heal our clients.
“But the diseased symptoms of racism, sexism and homophobia are all rooted in the inability to acknowledge our own pain and human experience. These ideas, rooted in fear of what we don’t understand, often lead to blaming and lashing out toward marginalized groups.
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We believe therapy is meant to increase connection to ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and this Earth we live in. This is how we heal from trauma. That means when we are examining the pain, the suffering, when we are discussing mental health symptoms, we are discussing what cuts us off from other human beings. Racism, sexism, homophobia, misogyny, and all disconnecting harmful ideas produce all these painful symptoms that we are all feeling and are scared of. But the diseased symptoms of racism, sexism and homophobia are all rooted in the inability to acknowledge our own pain and human experience. These ideas, rooted in fear of what we don’t understand, often lead to blaming and lashing out toward marginalized groups.
All this to say once again, therapy is a political space.
I am writing from that mindset and background. However, if you find yourself in disagreement with the topics I have listed above, I hope you keep reading all the same. I see you as human too, another person just trying to do what’s best for self and others, isn’t that what all most of us are trying to do in this world?
FROZEN IN FEAR
Here I want to discuss some of what I’ve been feeling and what I believe about half the nation has been experiencing in the last few days. Shock and fear. Almost in a frozen state of fear connected to the recent election results. I’m also deeply hurting for those impacted by this change, and allowing those tears to well up when they need to. As I woke up the day after Election Day, I allowed myself to rot for a while, and then began wondering what it was that I wanted to offer myself that day. And what I could possibly offer my clients in the current state of our world.
So I’ve made a list some of what I found regulating and I hope you can take some of this with you as we move through a difficult grieving season.
You will notice all of these suggestions are body based. This is a trauma informed list, to find grounding in our bodies when we have feelings, thoughts and sensations that threaten to crush us.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
Go outside. Take a walk with your kids or just on your own listening to music. Look at the trees, feel the ground under your feet, and the cool air on your face. Connect to something bigger than yourself and our country. Nature was here long before you and has great wisdom to share and offer you. It is naturally regulating to be outside and hear the birds chirping and the wind rustling the leaves. Say hi to a stranger and ask to pet their dog.
Eat something comforting. During times of distress it can be difficult to remember to eat. Women especially struggle with eating during times like this as it is in our psyche to make ourselves small. Find comfort foods, eat a meal with friends, or grab your favorite takeout. Whatever is going to get you to a place of being nourished.
Allow all sensations and experiences of Grief. Especially if you are queer, a person of color, a woman, and even for our supportive men in our life, this time feels frightening, deeply sad, and overwhelming. Allow yourself to move through those emotions because they are valid. When you start to panic, lean in, allow the sensations to flow through it, and allow it to pass. Because it will. Find groundedness where you can, but give yourself compassion during this time that some of the emotional experience may jump up and overwhelm you. This has to do with your literal identity as a human being, it’s natural to be confused and scared. If you’ve never done this before, if you have never had a personal practice to allow your feelings and sensations to be present so they can flow through you and bring increased calm and regulation, please reach out to one of our therapists or another trauma-informed and trained professional during this time.
Find support. Reach out to safe people: a friend, a support group, your therapist, a family member you trust, or spend time with animals you love. Going through this alone is not required. Isolation will only increase the intensity of your shock, your anxiety, or your frozen, numb feelings. Finding help and support during this time can offer a sense of warmth and remind you that good people still exist in the world.
When you are ready, stand up for what you believe in. Once the grief has been held and felt, stand up again. Be loud. Your voice, your beliefs and values matter. Your rights as an American citizen matter. YOU MATTER. The greatest thing you can do in the face of this is live your life authentically with the support of those who love you.
Lastly, do not make any drastic changes to your life if you have not already been engaged in inner emotional work that supports any new major decisions. We are more prone to reactive, fear based decisions when we are stuck in a nervous system state of fight/flee/freeze due to recent events. Make major life decisions when you’re in a clear-headed space. Drastic changes tend to increase our sense of danger and threat to our bodies and nervous systems. One day at a time.
There is so much more I want to say here, and so much more that could be added. However, I’m thinking of myself at this moment too, and this is all I can muster right now. May we all find the space we need to offer compassion to ourselves and others, and may our humanness shine through despite it all.
Thanks for reading, may we continue to increase connection to each other, no matter what happens next.
Warmly,
Ali