Are You Overwhelmed by Your Child’s ADHD Behaviors? You're Not Alone.
If you’ve found yourself thinking or saying things like,
“I’ve told him a million times to do something and he doesn’t listen to me!”
“Why can’t my daughter just turn in her homework?”
“It’s like he’s ignoring me on purpose.”
“She spends so much time by herself in her room.”
“I’m so tired of reminding him to pick up after himself.”
“I know he’s so smart. If only he would apply himself in school, he would be top of the class!”
... you’re definitely not alone. As a parent of a child with ADHD, you’re likely feeling the weight of frustration and confusion. These behaviors — not listening, forgetfulness, emotional outbursts — can make it feel like your child is being stubborn, lazy, disrespectful, and rebellious. But the reality is, ADHD is more complex than that, and understanding it can go a long way in helping you and your child cope.
I know parenting neurodivergent kids can be tough, so I wanted to break down what ADHD is (and isn’t), explain how your child might be struggling with the parts of ADHD that feel most overwhelming, and offer some tips on how you can best support them at home — and beyond.
What ADHD Really Is (And What It’s Not)
Let’s start with some basic info. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and it’s actually a bit of a misnomer. While the name might suggest that children with ADHD are simply lacking in focus, it’s more accurate to say that their brains over-focus on things, making it difficult to direct attention where it’s expected by others to be.
ADHD is typically broken down into two main categories: inattention and hyperactivity.
Inattention: This might look like trouble focusing on tasks, forgetting to turn in homework, or struggling to keep things organized.
Hyperactivity: This might show up as constant physical (or mental!)motion — maybe your child has a hard time sitting still or gets easily distracted by anything that seems more interesting than what they’re doing.
The thing is, ADHD is more than just a lack of attention or constant fidgeting, or changing the subject a lot in conversation. It's a combination of personality traits and chemical brain differences that impact a person’s ability to process information, organize tasks, and manage emotions. So, when your child seems to “ignore” you or forgets important details, it’s not out of defiance. They simply might be struggling with a brain that’s firing on all cylinders and having a hard time directing that full, intense focus in smaller increments.
“The thing is, ADHD is more than just a lack of attention or constant fidgeting, or changing the subject a lot in conversation. It’s a combination of personality traits and chemical brain differences that impact a person’s ability to process information, organize tasks, and manage emotions.”
Interestingly, ADHD children can sometimes over-focus on things they find interesting — also known as “hyperfocus.” This means your child can get so absorbed in something they love (video games, art, movie themes, even a best friend or social group etc.) that time just flies by, and they forget about the things they need to do. This can feel like they’re ignoring your requests, but in reality, they’re just mentally and energetically absorbed by whatever has caught their hyperfocus.
ADHD Isn’t A Developmental Phase
There’s a common myth that children will outgrow ADHD as they get older. That’s not true. ADHD symptoms don’t magically disappear, and for many people, these challenges continue into adulthood. The difference as they age is that the expectations placed on them only get higher — school, jobs, relationships. The transition from childhood to adulthood can feel like a lot, so the more we understand ADHD and its impacts, the better equipped we can be to help our kids navigate life.
The Gender Difference
One thing to keep in mind is that ADHD doesn’t look the same for every child. It’s not just a “boy thing” (though it’s more commonly diagnosed in boys, it’s often missed in girls). Girls in particular, tend to be better at masking their symptoms in order to fit in. They are more likely to have more inattentive, daydreamy behaviors, and their hyperactivity may include being hyper-verbal and chatty. Or, they might appear quiet or reserved, but inside, they could be anxious and overwhelmed by the same struggles their male peers face — the traits just express themselves in a different way.
For girls with ADHD, this can lead to poor self-esteem, social anxiety, perfectionism in academics or physical appearance because they feel the pressure to keep up with others and to avoid social rejection. So, it's essential to recognize that ADHD can look different based on gender and provide the support each child needs.
How You Can Support Your Child
Okay, so how do you help your child? How do you handle those frustrating moments when it feels like they’re just not listening or they can’t get things together? Here are some key tips:
1. Listen and Validate Their Struggles
Instead of lecturing or getting frustrated, try to have an open conversation with your child. Ask them what they find most difficult, and truly listen. ADHD is not about laziness or lack of motivation — it’s a different way of processing and responding to the world. Validating their experience can go a long way in helping them feel heard and understood. It can also reduce their stress and shame around their struggles.
2. Be Compassionate and Patient
When your child forgets to do something, watch your stress and reactivity: Do your best to not take their behavior personally. Try not to label them as lazy or defiant. It’s more likely that they just have trouble organizing their thoughts and tasks. Rather than reacting in frustration, practice compassion. Your child will feel less defensive and more willing to engage with you when they feel that you see that they are struggling and are ready to listen with compassion and patience.
3. Create a Supportive Environment
Sometimes, all your child needs is a space where they can focus without distractions. If they struggle with homework, consider setting up a quiet, clutter-free area where they can work. Some kids with ADHD also benefit from using timers or online planners to help them stay on track. Breaking tasks down into smaller, manageable chunks can also help them feel less overwhelmed.
4. Try “Body-Doubling”
One technique that can be really helpful is called “body-doubling.” This means you sit with your child while they work on a task, even if you’re doing something else (reading a book, making dinner, etc.). Just having your presence can help them stay focused and feel less alone in the task. It can be especially useful for kids who struggle to start tasks or need help with task maintenance. Reject “self-regulating” coping skills, these rarely work on ADHD kids. Co-regulating techniques will give you the best success.
5. Consider Medication
In some cases, medication can be an essential part of treatment. ADHD often involves a lack of dopamine (a brain chemical responsible for motivation and focus), and medications like stimulants can help boost dopamine levels in the brain. This can significantly improve attention and decrease impulsivity. Meds help provide brain “rewards” for so called “boring” tasks, so they feel more manageable to accomplish.
I know that the idea of medication can be intimidating, or you may have heard bad medication stories (those are real!). You might worry about side effects or whether it’ll change your child’s personality. But the reality is, ADHD medication typically does not turn children into “zombies” or make them addicted to the medication. When prescribed and monitored by a medical professional, it can be a game-changer — helping your child feel more empowered, more in control and less overwhelmed. Talk to your child’s physician or psychiatrist about alternatives to stimulant medications, as there are alternatives to stimulants for treatment, as well.
Final Thoughts
Above all, remember that your child’s ADHD is not their fault. It’s not something they can simply “snap out of.” They’re navigating a world that’s at odds with how their brains function (especially in school settings!). The more you can support them, the better their chances of thriving.
As a parent, your role is crucial. Being in your child’s corner — listening to them, validating their experiences, and helping them with strategies and solutions — can make all the difference in their self-esteem and success. It’s not about fixing them; it’s about partnering with them to find what works best for them.
And don’t forget to celebrate the strengths that come with ADHD. I’m sure I don't need to tell you that your ADHD kid is pretty amazing. Many kids with ADHD are incredibly creative, energetic, and great at alternative problem-solving. These strengths can be harnessed and nurtured, helping your child build confidence and pride in who they are. Many entrepreneurs identify as having ADHD! Your job as a parent is to identify and support these amazing kids and find their strengths in a world who tends to shame them for being different instead of celebrating their differences.
But don’t do it alone. If your kid isn’t in therapy to support their ADHD traits, consider how more support can help them AND you in this parenting journey.
If you’d like more support in helping your child manage their ADHD, I really enjoy working with teens with ADHD! If you’re wondering if therapy might be a good idea for your family, I encourage you to reach out to us here at Evergreen Counseling. Together, we can work on strategies that will help your child not only cope with ADHD but thrive in spite of it.
I hope this helps you feel more empowered in your parenting journey. If you’re ready to dive deeper or need personalized support, feel free to get in touch! Let’s make this journey a little easier together.
Best,
Zach