If you’re pregnant, or have given birth this year--you know the meaning of stress. You’re wearing masks to see your OB, you’re given temperature checks everywhere you go, knowing that it’s not just your life you’re trying to keep safe--it’s the little one’s life, too. It’s a lot to carry.
If this was any other year, having a child would already be a major event in your family’s life. You do everything in your power to prepare yourself to handle all the details of bringing a child into the world. You’re filled with excited anticipation to welcome a new life into the world.
But you never planned on having a baby during a pandemic. What you can and can’t control become everyday realities now.
And you realize: almost everything has become out of your control. (And this is clearly NOT great news for your anxiety.)
Studies have shown that postpartum depression and anxiety have significantly increased since March 2020 due to the impact of COVID-19. Pregnant women everywhere are having very, very similar experiences to yours this year. You are certainly not alone in feeling unnecessarily burdened by this world event. If you’re extra angry, extra irritable, extra anxious, extra exhausted, extra weepy--you’re not alone. How you’re feeling--it makes sense.
Let me share some ideas that might help you if you’re just plain strung out on stress of being pregnant and/or postpartum this year.
Give up Perfection. You’re “Good Enough”
Give yourself permission to be “good enough” - this is not a time where everything is going to go perfectly. You are navigating an inherently difficult life milestone during a global pandemic. No one is expecting you to go through this time without difficulty and stress. Did you get through the day? Fantastic. You should feel proud that you are showing up for yourself and your baby in spite of challenging circumstances.
It’s ok to grieve for what you expected, and the reality you’ve been faced with.
Grieve Your Birth and Postpartum Expectations: It’s Okay to Be Sad or Angry
Grieve your expectations - you might have had a picture in your mind of what a baby shower, birth, maternity leave, or life with your newborn would look like. I’m sure that you weren’t dreaming of having to plan for social distance in the hospital, or limit important visitors for months after your babe has arrived. The pandemic has significantly altered that picture. It is both acceptable and normal to be disappointed, sad, and angry about these changes. Give yourself space to acknowledge those disappointments for what they are in order to move forward. Cry, get angry.
None of this is how it should be.
Ask for Help
If you’re not one of “those people” who are good at asking for help--well you might be a woman. It’s especially not comfortable or even expected for women who care for children to be “needy” or “dependent”. But guess what. You’re human. This time is insanely hard. This is NOT the time for independence. Studies show that postpartum anxiety and depression rates drastically decrease when the support of the mom is diverse and consistent. The more isolated, “brave-faced” and “independent” the mom is, the risk of her postpartum mental health issues increase.
Talk with your partner and identify your immediate and long term needs. Because of social distancing, you might not have a string of visitors in and out of your house, or have the amount of hands-on assistance that you would like. However, that does not mean that people in your community are not willing and able to help in other ways.
Try some of the following:
ask a friend to set up a meal delivery
ask a safe family member to do your dishes and laundry once a week
find activities that feel safe to you in order to have some company to break up the sleepless hours; (did you know there are Netflix “parties” where you can invite friends to binge watch your favorite show with you?)
text a friend, even in the wee hours--just to vent!
FaceTime with friends and family who may not be able to visit you at the moment
It’s ok to ask for help, and your loved ones will feel relieved that they can still support you while following social distancing guidelines. They’re worried about you--and this is a good thing. Let them help.
Talk to Someone You Trust
All of the emotions related to having a baby can be intense and disorienting. Additionally, having to navigate all of the challenges brought on by the pandemic add an additional layer of stress. Your body and mind is going through a lot, and it makes sense that you may need some extra support right now. If you have a few people you can trust that you can totally be 100% yourself with--fantastic. Dump on them regularly. If you don’t--this is why therapy exists. Talk to a professional like me or someone who understands postpartum issues--don’t hold it all inside.
Taking the Next Steps
… or a therapist.
Do you still feel lost while reading this blog? Do these steps sound utterly impossible to you in this moment? If you need guidance on how to build these practices in your life, please reach out to me. I look forward to partnering with you to carve out a life of tranquility and joy in the midst of stress and loss. You and your baby deserve to thrive in spite of this difficult time.
Peace to you,
Heather