by Zach Toranzo, MS
Adolescence is tough—there’s no denying it.
Juggling school, friendships, relationships, and all the “firsts” that come with being a teenager can really take a toll on mental health, especially for boys. It doesn’t help that teenage boys often struggle to express how they’re feeling or feel pressured to keep things bottled up because of outdated ideas like “boys shouldn’t cry” or show emotions.
This can make it confusing for parents too, who might not know how to deal with their son’s complex emotions. While a little tension between parents and teens is totally normal, too much can overwhelm everyone in the house.
As a male, and a therapist, I’m going to share some insights about what helps and what doesn’t when it comes to supporting boys as they navigate life. I’ll also share some advice on how parents can better understand what their kids are going through. By building a stronger understanding, parents can help their sons feel seen, heard, and supported during what can be a really isolating time.
What depression and anxiety look like for teenage boys
Depression and anxiety are unfortunately all too common among teenage boys. Between the pressure to get into a good college, perform well in school and sports, and live up to the expectations of their peers, it can feel like an endless race with no finish line.
Then add family stress into the mix, and it’s no wonder so many boys are feeling overwhelmed.
The tricky part? You might not even notice. A lot of boys put on a “Superman” facade—looking strong and invincible on the outside while struggling like Clark Kent on the inside. But trying to be invincible rarely works out. When boys don’t have healthy ways to deal with stress, it can lead to depression and anxiety, often starting in adolescence. I’ve seen it firsthand, both in the boys I work with and from my own teenage years.
Some of the signs are:
isolating from others
snapping at people
losing sleep
letting hygiene slip
These are all signs of a teenage boy dealing with a mountain of stress and worries. I’ve also seen what happens when those feelings stay bottled up for too long—eventually, it all spills out, often leading to crises that make things worse.
Wanting independence but feeling powerless
Another big struggle for teenage boys is the push-pull between wanting independence and feeling like they have no control over their lives. It’s normal and healthy for teens to want to break away from their parents and have more say in their day-to-day activities. But sometimes it can feel like no matter how hard they try, they still don’t have a voice in what’s happening.
THEY’RE TRYING TO BALANCE IT ALL WITHOUT FULL AGENCY.
I’ve worked with teens who are trying to juggle multiple sports, demanding extracurriculars, and challenging academics, and it’s only a matter of time before they burn out. It’s ironic, but sometimes in an attempt to help their kids succeed, parents accidentally pile on too much and end up doing more harm than good. This lack of boundaries can leave teenage boys feeling powerless. Unlike adults, kids don’t always have the option to say “no” when something’s too much. They might keep pushing until they crash, and that’s where things can spiral into unhealthy behaviors.
Body image, self-esteem, and social media
On top of everything else, boys’ bodies are going through big changes during this time, which can add another layer of stress. While puberty is part of it (and trust me, no teenage boy wants to hear about puberty), body image as a whole plays a huge role in how boys see themselves. There’s a constant loop of self-doubt going on: “Am I tall enough? Muscular enough? Do I look weird?” These insecurities can really hit hard, especially since boys are often teased about their appearance by their peers. They may laugh it off in front of their friends but internalize those comments, which can seriously affect their self-esteem. Social media doesn’t help either—between influencers with chiseled bodies and movie stars with edited physiques, it’s easy for teenage boys to feel like they’re not “enough.” I see this all the time with young men who are chasing unrealistic body standards pushed by what they see online, and it’s heartbreaking.
““Am I tall enough? Muscular enough? Do I look weird?””
ADHD, neurodivergence, and its impact on life
For boys with ADHD and all neurodivergent issues, the challenges can be even more complicated. People often think of ADHD as just an attention related, school issue, but it affects so much more than that. Yes, it can make focusing in class hard, but it also impacts emotional regulation, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and making social relationships difficult.
As a therapist, I’ve seen how boys with ADHD can struggle with emotional outbursts, which can cause tension at home, especially if they don’t get a chance to mentally reset after school. Impulsivity is another big challenge—it’s like throwing a stone into a lake: the initial release feels good, but once it’s thrown, you can’t take it back. This impulsiveness often leads to regrets later, especially when it comes to saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment. On top of that, the forgetfulness and distractibility that come with ADHD can frustrate others, leading to more stress in relationships, particularly with parents. All of this can take a toll on a boy’s self-esteem, making them feel like they’re falling behind compared to their peers.
Stress overload
Even without ADHD, teenage boys deal with a lot of stress.
School, sports, extracurriculars, and family responsibilities can create a perfect storm. I’ve seen boys put on a brave face, pretending everything is fine so they don’t worry their loved ones, but this just makes things worse. Keeping it all inside can lead to even more stress. The pressure to be the best at everything—whether that’s getting the top grades or being the team captain—can be overwhelming.
Sometimes, it’s not just self-imposed; parents can unintentionally add to this stress by holding their kids to perfectionist standards. This sets boys up for disaster, as they struggle to find balance. And let’s not forget about “parentification,” where kids take on adult responsibilities at home, like cooking, cleaning, or even providing emotional support to family members. This is way beyond what any teen should be handling and can lead to burnout or feelings of being trapped.
So, what can parents do?
First, patience is key.
During adolescence, it’s normal for boys to push boundaries, argue more, and want independence. Being patient and supportive during this time can help your son feel safe, even when things get tough.
Taking a genuine interest in your teen’s hobbies and keeping communication open (instead of avoiding tough conversations) can make a huge difference.
Even though boys might seem like they want space (and they probably do), knowing they can come to you when they need support can strengthen your relationship.
Another tip is to think back to your own teenage years—especially for dads, this can help create empathy and adjust expectations.
Also, don’t forget to give praise! Whether it’s a high-five or a simple “I’m proud of you,” verbal and nonverbal affirmations can really boost your teen’s confidence.
Lastly, setting clear, mutually-agreed boundaries around things like curfews can give your son the freedom he craves while keeping him safe.
SUPPORT
Hopefully, these strategies can help your son feel more supported during what’s definitely a stressful time. But even with the best support, there may still be challenges that are hard to tackle alone. That’s where therapy can come in. If you think your son could benefit from some extra help, feel free to reach out to us here at Evergreen. Therapy can be a great space for young men to process their emotions and figure out how to navigate this complex stage of life.
All the best,
Zach