Many parents worry about “screen time”. Is it good, or bad?
Written by sandy Zhang, ALMFT
Is screen time harming your child? Is it OK to allow it sometimes? It’s so hard to know the ‘right’ way to parent around this issue. Read this blog by a mother, and play therapist, in order to learn how she manages this key issue.
I know I’ve got your attention. I’ve never met a parent who feels totally assured about how much screen time his or her child is getting daily.
Parents tend to receive warnings about screen time from their eye doctors first. They receive a variety of tips, such as a child should not be exposed to screen under age 2 due to eye development, the effects of blue light, and so on. However, as a family therapist, I’ve heard other concerns more often voiced by parents than physical health.
“My 4-year-old asks for the phone all the time. How come he doesn’t play with anything else?”
“When we get home from school, my 11-year-old goes right into his bedroom to play on the tablet. I have to yell at him several times before he pays any attention!”
“He’s 16, but he doesn’t do anything at home—he can keep playing and playing the video games and not even eat for a day!!”
I hear the parents’ frustration, and possibly a fear for the future. This screen thing seems to be a fixation that corrupts all ages. We surely hope to see a preschooler do some creative play with blocks or markers, a young teenager develop fun hobbies, and an older adolescent plan for his future.
So, how do we get there? I hope you’ll find one of the following tips helpful in your situation.
Play with your young ones. Some kids are pretty gifted at entertaining themselves with dolls, drawing, Legos, etc., but not all of them pick up these toys without encouragement in our screen-filled world. A child can feel bored and see the tablet as an unending source of fun. Just the click-click-click of their little fingers, absorbing whatever shows up on the screen. Admittedly, it also can be a way to calm down or distract kids when you (the caregiver) need to attend to something else. But you definitely do not want the tablet to be his or her only resource of fun. Take 15 minutes and ask your kiddo what he or she would like to play with you. I’m sure you can show them how much more charming you are than the flat screen.
Rather than fearing/hating screen time, schedule for it. This is not to cut off all screen time, but to use it more strategically—my children use a chess app to practice, so they are allowed to do that after finishing their homework, before dinner time. The fun of playing chess on the tablet serves as a motivation to finish all school assignments (and extra work from Mommy, oops…). You can figure out how the screen time can fit in your family schedule and get work done faster. Remember to set an “ending time” and a reasonable consequence if your child ignores this boundary. Guiding your child to turn off the game or pause the movie with a few verbal warnings can also help kids build skills related to managing transitions in life.
Enjoy screen time with your children. This can be playing an Angry Bird game together or watch an episode or a movie (depending on the child’s age). In this way you will be fully aware of the time, you’ll learn what attracts your child, and you can have fun conversations while watching or playing together. Instead of fighting with screen time, you can use it as something that enriches your family relationships. Positive memories can be made when a screen is involved. Not all screen time is inherently “bad”, especially when you act with clear intention.
Hopefully, these tips were helpful to you!
I love to support all parents in their ability to make mindful parenting choices. But what if issues with your child are more complex? “What if my child is not interested in other games, and throws a tantrum? What if he does not follow the schedule and I have to constantly re-direct him? What if she refuses to watch something with me, and begs over and over for the iPad?”
If the job of parenting around technology seems more complex than these guidelines, you might need the support of a licensed professional.
As a therapist, a mother, and someone who really gets kids, I am passionate about making parenting easier, more enjoyable, and helpful to both children and their caregivers.
Please feel free to set up a phone consultation or an appointment with me; parenting is never easy, and I’d love to walk through this with you.