This is my story as a Nine who stumbled across something transformational in my Enneagram discovery journey: Instincts and subtypes. See my note to Enneagram newbies.*
The Enneagram - a tool for deeper knowledge of self, other, and a path for authentic growth.
BY PRISCILLA DEAN, LCPC
Honestly, I always felt like an odd Nine. But I’ve always felt sure I was a Nine. I mean, conflict of nearly any kind causes my insides to quiver in ways that are hardly natural. So yeah, obviously a Nine.
But I didn’t love to sit down with my cozy books at home all the time (but cozy is a great feeling and sensation. YES more wintery hygge, PLEASE.). I’ve never been secretly overjoyed when plans with friends got canceled. In fact, I usually was deeply disappointed when my friends would cancel plans, or if they left early when we were together at a social gathering.
I have always hated small talk. I have strong opinions about how long a conversation could last with friends about the weather or about traffic (read: not more than a few minutes, or I will find you tediously dull quite quickly). I have actually liked conversations about politics, religion, deep ponderings and shared passions.
I really don’t resonate with a lot of Nine descriptions I encounter. You know the Nine meme girl: the quiet, super nice, introverted, ready to please everyone with a ready smile and an even readier apology, complete with fantastic manners, but always scanning for a quick exit home to my blankets. (Although if I am honest, I certainly have done this occasionally. Hi, I’m a nice Christian white girl).
I wondered if there were other Nines out there like me. I knew we Nines had a drive to connect with others, and we feared disconnection through conflict. Those basic motivations of the Nine were most definitely present within me. I was certain I WAS a Nine.
But I seemed to be MORE than just a Nine. I was a Nine who needed to BOND.
Enter instincts.
I was doing my usual normal nerding out with getting my hands on as many Enneagram books as I could, and I came across a really great book. Before this book, I had read many Enneagram books that had briefly mentioned “the instincts” in passing and it hadn’t really caught my interest before, but this book was different. It looked and read like a textbook, with a lovely little tree on the cover. It was called the “Complete Enneagram” by Beatrice Chestnut. The title told me absolutely nothing about what I would find inside it. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to find myself through it (Again!).
Chestnut calls them “instincts and subtypes”. Riso and Hudson call them “instinctual variants” (Instinctual variants sounds like a math problem I never wanted to solve or read about. Listen, I chose pyschology as my major to stay the hell away from that kind of nonsense in books.).
So let’s just call them instincts.
Chestnut described three instincts: sexual, social and self-preservation.
Okay. Time for a definition. What are Enneagram Instincts?
Instincts are three internal drives that humans have in relationships with others and your relationship with yourself. These drives are for survival, first and foremost. They are evolutionary instincts to bond and procreate, be social with our “herd”, and to self preserve our safety and energy.
At a more practical level, a person with a social instinct focuses on groups of people (like their family, their friends, their people, or the desire for their tribe). A person with a sexual instinct focuses on one on one relationships (like a partner, a bestie, or the desire for one). A personal with a self-preservation instinct focuses inward (being at home, your body’s practical needs, or the desire to be alone with yourself).
I know, this seems like a big thing to sit down and think about for yourself.
(And before you ask, this has absolutely ZERO to do with your wings. Or your stress/comfort types. Or tritypes. Stay focused with me. This is just about instincts.)
I sometimes call them your Type’s flavor. They inform your type. That’s why you’ve seen them online written before your type. You can be a Sexual Three, a Self-Preservation One, or a Social Eight.
Instincts are like your natural urges, right? The instinct to eat food, because you’re hungry. The instinct to do sexy things, because, you know, that’s your life force, baby. The instinct to be with your people, your squad, your pack.
Turns out, you have a favorite go-to instinct. And then you have a second favorite. You’ll tend to oscillate between those two, still using the primary instinct as dominant. And for some FASCINATING reason, you also have another instinct that you like to pretend isn’t there. You will lean heavily on your favorite instinct, and then you tend to bitch at your partner if they don’t share the same favorite instinct as you. (yeah, this gets into relationship stuff real quick).
So by now, you’re probably guessing what my favorite, dominant instinct is: yep. Sexual. This is why I had such a strong desire to bond one-on-one with my friends on such a deep, personal level.
Side note: I’m also not William Carlos Williamsing it up in here and saying that a sexual instinct is all about plums in your ice box being delicious if you know what I mean. Sexual instinct does not equal “I love the intercourse”. I know this may disappoint some of you, but this article is NOT a deep dive into some kind of weird Enneagram sex therapy.
What I AM saying is that a dominant sexual instinct makes you focus on, makes you prioritize intimate relationships. Fixate, obsess, even, if you’re really repressing your other two instincts. In many ways, how you act out your number is based on your actual instinct. They open up the Enneagram to allow us to understand how the underlying way our personalities (read: Type number) interact with some of our basest evolutionary drives.
So, they’re kind of a big deal.
Chestnut describes how instincts combines your particular Type’s PASSION (or vice) with your dominant instinct, to give it a particular mash-up of your type and your instinct. Pretty interesting stuff. Some teachers don’t combine the passions and the instincts, some teachers keep them separate, but it certainly makes sense to me. And I find that this theory makes for a very interesting spade to dig into our vices a little more deeply.
So here’s a rundown of the Nine’s 3 subtypes:
~When a Nine is dominantly social, the Nine will merge and be the most SLOTHFUL about showing up as a person with their social groups, including family/social groups.
~When a Nine is dominantly sexual, he will exhibit SLOTH in the fantasy of the perfect mate, best friend, without expecting to do much of any of the work involved to create this union.
~When a Nine is dominantly self-preservation, SLOTH will be found in the satisfaction of physical needs. He loses who he is in the physical sensations of food, routines at home, and creature comforts.
If you’re a different type, start thinking about how your vice (not listed here are One’s anger, Two’s pride, Three’s self-deceit, Four’s envy, Fives’ hoarding, Six’s fear, Seven’s gluttony and Eight’s lust) and your subtype inform one another.
As stated above, some Enneagram schools of thought say that the passions have nothing to do with instincts, that they are evolutionary and therefore don’t have any say on morality or particular negative fixations. I say: This theory is compelling, in kind of a gut-punchy-damn-that’s-probably-true kind of way. You decide. Read up, ponder, think.
Something to keep in mind about dominant instincts and “sequence” (which is what order your current instinct preference might be), is that everyone has all three instincts.
With the sexual instinct being my dominant one, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have an instinct for my self preservation needs or my social needs. It does mean that if I’m stressed and insecure, and I need to feel safe—I text my husband. I call my best one or two people who really know me. I want to hear their thoughts, I want them to hear mine. The bond makes me feel safe. I don’t even think about it. I just do it.
Here’s what are NOT my go-to things to do when I’m stressed:
I don’t text my main people to come over and do a board game or a movie night. I don’t share my fears on a Facebook group for moms of toddlers (those places are damn rabbit holes sometimes but I get some of you social instincts might die without these!! I salute you warriors.). And I don’t plan epic gatherings for the holidays to combat my stress. (a social dominant totally might, though!)
I don’t hole up at home with my favorite novel, my comfiest pants, favorite snack on the side table, lit candle nearby, Enya in the background. I don’t make plans about how to budget my money better so I can feel more secure. (I see you, self-prez types!!)
Instead, because I have a sexual dominant instinct, I fixate on my intimate relationships. See how my partner needs to get this about me? (and he really does, bless his little self-preservation heart).
But like, Priscilla, what’s the problem with that? You’re using the therapist-y term “fixate” like it’s a bad thing. This focusing on my intimate relationships seems like a good idea, right? What’s wrong with that?
Nothing in and of itself. But focusing on just one dominant instinct for stress management, to meet my needs---It’s very unbalanced. And like the good zen master I aspire to be in my highest Nine self, I must assert that balance is always best.
So leaning hard on my intimate relationships all the time is going to feel like it’s just not cutting it. Because guys: I HAVE TWO OTHER INSTINCTS FOR A REASON. And let me tell you something real: They. Are. Needed.
Because while I can sing the virtues to you of how much I need my partner and my best friends, I have other needs.
I need my group, my family. My sense of belonging, my need to have the group see me as important and needed: this is a need that I can DEFINITELY forget I have.
I absolutely need time alone. (This is true for me especially as a Nine, as my merging superpowers have the capacity to keep me floating away on everyone else’s opinions and agendas).
Don’t pretend you’re special. All you need is you and your soulmate, you two against the world? All you need is coffee in the AM, wine in the PM? All you need is your family? Nope.
You will always need ALL those things.
When I figured out I was a Sexual Nine, the world of the Enneagram landscape opened up to greater depths and color to me. I felt further aware of myself. My everyday inner thought life, examining the worn paths of my thoughts and desires—they started to make more sense. The conflicts in my intimate relationships, the wounds I have tended to over the years in my friendships—these patterns were illuminated into a clearer understanding into my conscious mind bringing me greater personal responsibility and empowerment to make more balanced choices for myself. (Read: this made me feel fairly crappy because once again I’m good at making myself miserable, but then like hey, I get a choice!)
Much of the Enneagram teachings of the Nine seem to miss the specific FLAVOR of the instincts. And to everyone who has felt deeply unseen or personally offended by an inaccurate internet Type description, subtype is probably the reason, friends. Deep breaths.
So that is why I wrote this for you, dear Enneagram explorer, as you continue on this journey of self discovery—explore your Type’s Flavor—your instincts.
Peace to you,
Priscilla
.*Note to newbies to the Enneagram: if you don’t know your type, this is still good information, but not all of it may make sense to you. Instincts can help you determine type as well, but some of my comments about the Nine or the “vices” of the types might be new for you.
Bibliography:
Chestnut, Beatrice. 27 Paths to Transformation, the Complete Enneagram, 2013.